Perception

Every so often, you play a gig where everything seems to flow. The notes fly effortlessly from your fingers, and all your improvised solos are inspired. You look at the clock and can't believe the evening is over, because it feels like you just started.

Tonight was not one of those nights. I played solo guitar for a realty company's 40th anniversary party in downtown Atlanta. Despite playing guitar all day, my fingers felt cold and stiff. It felt like I fumbled my way through most of my solo arrangements, and I couldn't quite find the flow in my improvisation. It was an off night, and I was disappointed in my performance.

Imagine my surprise at the end of the night when my client praised me effusively, asked for business cards, told me that the partygoers were complimenting my music, and added a generous tip.

There's usually a big difference between how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you. I tend to judge myself harshly. In the hours I spend practicing, I work relentlessly to become a better player through perfecting new solo arrangements, learning licks, or improving my speed and accuracy. While I've come a long way in a short time, there is always something new to learn. A short search on YouTube will reveal a host of amazing guitar players to inspire me. Sometimes my diligent practice results in a magical gig where everything clicks. Sometimes I fall short, and I disappoint myself.

In public, I don't let my disappointment show. The only way most clients can tell you've made a mistake is if you make a face. Tonight, my client didn't know or care about my self doubts and musical ambitions. She just cared that the partygoers were happy, that the music sounded nice, and that I acted like a pro.

Even on a bad night, I still enjoy the fact that I'm being paid to play the guitar for a few hours. It's not a bad way to earn a few bucks.